Developing emotional intelligence in children is very important, since it is one of the skills that will help them develop personally, have healthy personal relationships and be successful in life. In this article we will elaborate the building emotional intelligence in children.
When there are emotional imbalances, the behavior of children and adolescents is altered, it affects family, school and social life and also their psychological well-being.
These imbalances appear when the child does not recognize his emotions properly, does not express them or does so inappropriately or misinterprets the behaviors or emotions of others, for example. For all this, building adequate emotional intelligence in our children can help them to be emotionally healthier.
Tips to build emotional intelligence in children
Help him get to know himself better and put a name to what he feels
Self-knowledge or knowledge of oneself is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. Not because it is the most important, but because without it the others can hardly occur.
To develop an adequate emotional awareness, where the person is aware of their own internal states, their emotions, their resources, the effects that emotions have on them, it is important to name them.
In order to properly manage your emotions, you must first properly recognize them, and in this lies the best knowledge of oneself.
If we say that emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize our own emotions and others, respecting them, it is necessary, first of all, to know our own.
Self-awareness is one of the basic pillars of intrapersonal intelligence, one of the intelligences proposed by Gardner in his theory of multiple intelligences.
To achieve this, put a name to everything you feel. Every time a certain situation appears where your son is feeling an emotion, even if he expresses it in an inappropriate way, he acts.
Instead of trying to eliminate and minimize the negative emotion, start from it to name it and explain to your child what he feels and why. In this way you will be working on self-awareness.
Work on emotional literacy
One of the most appropriate tips to build emotional intelligence in children is that you pay attention to emotional literacy.
Emotional literacy is ensuring that children have a large and fluid vocabulary about emotions is a basic issue throughout their development stage.
Knowing how to name the emotions we feel is the first step to recognizing and accepting them. Many times children do not know what emotion they are feeling. Neither do they know how to identify the physical or emotional part of each emotion.
For example, if your son is sad because he wanted to put on a sweatshirt that is dirty and he cannot put it on and he has burst into tears, work on that emotion with him.
For example, you can take the opportunity to tell him that he is sad, that is why he has tears, that you understand that he is sad because he likes that shirt a lot and would like to wear it.
Validate their emotions
Although it may not seem important to you what your child feels on certain occasions, it is important to him, so you must take it into account.
Using the example above, validate your child’s emotions. In that case, in which your son bursts into tears because he wants to put on a dirty sweatshirt, don’t tell him “don’t cry about it, it’s silly, you have this shirt that is exactly the same as the other”.
It is important that you acknowledge his emotions, tell him that you understand his emotion, and help him find a solution. Many times, since we don’t like children to suffer, we try to directly eliminate negative emotions (when they cry, when they are angry).
We distract them with other things (a toy, with the television, etc.). Anything goes for them to stop crying, for example. On other occasions, some people tell them that “crying is for children” or phrases like “that’s nonsense.”
It is important that you keep in mind that everything your child thinks and feels must be taken into account, respected and asserted. It is important for him to grow up with a strong self-esteem and for him to feel that he is important.
Pay attention to your self-esteem
Self-esteem is an essential aspect of a child’s personality, which is developing throughout childhood. If a person accepts himself, he will be able to advance and mature and continue to fulfill himself personally.
The child and the adult that they will be need to have a positive self-esteem and a good concept of themselves, which will allow them to overcome the obstacles they will encounter in life and resolve conflicts.
Self-esteem is the appreciation of one’s personal worth. And the child’s self-esteem is formed from the experiences that he also lives with her parents.
Showing him that he is important and that he learns to accept himself as he is is a good way to develop positive self-esteem.
If the person feels and perceives that others accept him, love him and consider him important, he will feel competent, safe and with good self-esteem.
Help him discover his strengths and weaknesses
Knowing one’s own strengths and weaknesses is also an essential aspect of self-awareness.
When you know what your strengths and weaknesses are, you feel more confident about yourself, your abilities, and your abilities. He knows how far he can go, what he can expect and what he needs to improve.
We must teach our son that we all have positive aspects and weaknesses and that this does not make us better or worse than others. We don’t have to be good at everything and neither do our mistakes or our weaknesses define us as people.
Helping your child to detect their strengths and weaknesses will help them to recognize when they need help, how they can face difficulties, when they can give their best and you will be contributing to their personal development.
Work on self-control and adaptability
Self-control is also one of the main characteristics of emotional intelligence. Self-control and self-motivation are part of the intrapersonal intelligence that Gardner already named.
Self-control is part of self-management, of knowing how to properly manage one’s own emotions.
Having self-control does not mean that you should suppress or deny emotions or that your child does not express them. The proper management of emotions is a learning process that requires time and effort.
First of all, the child must recognize the emotions he has, and if he is not able to do so, it will be difficult for him to manage it properly.
Self-control can be worked on, but not through suppressing emotions or denying them. They must be accepted, and even if they come out appropriately in our son (for example, in the form of tantrums), they must not be punished, but work on the underlying emotion from that behavior.
Having self-control means understanding emotion and transforming emotion to our benefit. It requires the person to be flexible, open to new approaches and adapt new perspectives in problem solving.
Work on motivation
Self-motivation is another component of emotional intelligence, specifically intrapersonal intelligence proposed by Gardner.
Being self-motivated is emotionally empowering yourself to maintain goal-oriented behavior. It is about the child having the goal in mind and remembering the rewards that it will achieve.
It is about working on children’s persistence, the fact of not being discouraged, of being applied, of achieving despite mistakes, etc.
Motivation will help your child achieve the goals he sets for himself in life. To do this, help them value the effort, set realistic and specific goals and prevent them from procrastinating on the tasks they have to do.
Help him develop empathy
Empathy is one of the components of interpersonal intelligence proposed in Gardner’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences .
Empathy helps the child to understand others, to put himself in their place, to understand their moods and also psychological or motivational states.
In order to recognize the emotional states of others we need to be understanding, sensitive, have perceptive skills and the ability to adopt different roles.
Developing empathy is essential to be emotionally intelligent, since it is the starting point for satisfactory social relationships with our peers.
communicate with him
Communication skills in children also play an important role in their social competence, and therefore, in emotional intelligence.
Within communication we refer to basic non-verbal skills (for example, eye contact or gestures), conversational competence or language skills.
Communicating with your child is also important because it will help you to connect and externalize feelings , to detect the emotions that paralyze them, that block them or that matter to them.
In order for children to learn to properly manage their emotions, it is necessary for parents and educators to have information to manage their emotional states and facilitate learning for children.
It is also important that you let him talk, and some tricks you can use to communicate properly with him is to use messages that reflect feelings.
Work on social skills
Social skills are a fundamental component of emotional intelligence.
They are the set of behaviors that a subject emits within an interpersonal relationship where he is able to express his emotions, desires and opinions, taking into account others and solving immediate problems and preventing future problems.
Interaction with other people is essential in the development of the person and conditions their socialization process. Social skills can range from simple to complex behaviors: greeting, expressing opinions, making friends.
For this, it offers an adequate model of social skills, the child will learn by example when he sees in his parents manifestations of courtesy, respect, solidarity towards other people.
Also, value the positive aspects and reinforce your child and provide him with occasions where he can relate to social situations.
Help him resolve conflicts
Conflicts usually take place on many occasions due to poorly managed emotions. Teach your child that anger is a normal emotion and that it’s okay to get angry.
What you must learn is to manage that anger. To do this, show him that although everyone gets angry, the way we act afterwards is what determines the consequences.
Teach him to detect the signals that lead to anger and that can lead to conflict, as well as different ways to act than he always does.
Show him how to manage anger and avoid problems that end up causing conflict. Help him to avoid impulsive acts, to calm down with different techniques (breathing, relaxation).
Show him the importance of teamwork
Teamwork is essential in the society in which we develop and is constantly present in the lives of children.
Learning to manage in a group, to deal with other people, resolve conflicts, communicate, etc., are necessary skills to work in a team.
When we work as a team, emotional intelligence is very present. And being emotionally intelligent can help your child function more optimally in groups.
You can work with your child on what teamwork is like: the importance of establishing good communication between classmates, the fact of working with different solutions, the importance of maintaining a commitment, of knowing how to resolve conflicts.
Knowing how to listen is also important
Active listening is one of the pillars of emotional intelligence. Listening requires more effort than speaking. Knowing how to listen requires learning, and it refers not only to listening to what the person has expressed but also to attend to the underlying feelings and thoughts.
Active listening also requires empathy.
Active listening is learned and starting to develop it in childhood with children will help them understand the importance of being able to relate properly with others.
Teach them the importance of respecting the speaking turn, of not interrupting other people, of focusing attention when someone is telling us something important, of maintaining eye contact.
Work on assertiveness
Assertiveness is also part of emotional intelligence, being one of its basic pillars.
If you work on assertiveness, the child will be sure of himself, he will express himself clearly and he will be a person capable of expressing his desires, motivations and needs, while taking others into account.
For this, it is important that you respect your child and that you show him that his opinions are important, but that at the same time he must take others into consideration.
An assertive child will be able to express himself adequately, say no when he needs to, defend his rights and express his feelings, all in accordance with his interests and objectives and respecting the rights of others.
Help him to trust himself
To build adequate emotional intelligence, self-confidence is also necessary. We refer to the security that one shows about the assessment of what he does and his abilities and skills.
A child who trusts in himself is a child who feels capable of achieving the goals he sets for himself, who is strong enough to face the obstacles that life throws at him and therefore can develop optimally.
For a child to trust himself, you need to trust him. So have high expectations of him, but keep them realistic, otherwise he might get frustrated.
If you trust him, the child will too and will not give up, always looking for alternatives that help him achieve the goals he sets for himself.
Express affection and say how you feel
Unconditional love is something that must be expressed and shown on a daily basis. Love should not be given in exchange for anything, and should be expressed both in everyday examples and in words.
You must respect your son for being the way he is, tell him how much you love him and put words to how you feel.
In your relationship and with yourself, in the things that happen to you every day, many and varied emotions arise. Sometimes you are sad, other times happy, sometimes you get angry, focus on yourself and how you feel and express it to the child.
Telling them how we feel, what emotions are called and why we feel that way also helps them develop their emotional intelligence.
Cater to your needs
One of the main tasks of the success of parents is to train them in emotional competencies so that they are responsible and emotionally healthy adults.
Parents must help their children to identify emotions and label them, to respect their feelings, to help them manage themselves in social situations.
The way in which parents attend to the needs of their children, show empathy for what they feel and need, regulate their emotions, express themselves with them or talk about emotions, for example, will help their children to exercise it in themselves.
Children also learn by imitation, and if they see certain attitudes in their parents’ example, they will eventually incorporate them into their own repertoire.
