What is Unrequited Love stages What do we feel and get over it
Unrequited love is a feeling of romantic love from one person to another, but not reciprocated. In these situations, the individual experiences what it’s like to want someone who doesn’t feel the same way about him. This kind of love can turn into something obsessive because it doesn’t allow you to abandon that person you idealized so much. This is due to the emotional dependence that develops in these situations on the loved one. Obsession provokes the infinite desire for the other person to love you, even though deep down you know that this is not the case.
stages of unrequited love
Unrequited love is not born overnight, nor does it disappear just like that. Below we will see the stages of unrequited love:
- Idealization : at this point you are still not aware that the other person does not have the same feelings. There is hope that at the beginning of the love story everything will go well, even if deep down you feel that something is not quite right. The other person is so idealized that it results in difficulty seeing their faults.
- One-sided love : the idealization continues and the illusion grows, but the relationship gets complicated. You realize that you try to share any aspect of your life and that the other person has no interest in doing so. In these situations, the answer may be to hang on to what will change your attitude over time.
- Recognition of unrequited love : you realize that you are facing unrequited love. You’re just trying to make the relationship work and move forward. You realize that the other person doesn’t love you the way you love them. Still, sometimes the feeling is so strong that you believe the situation will work itself out. A self-deception that, over time, can cause problems.
- Forgetting about unrequited love : this is the most difficult step. There is an intention to leave this relationship that makes you suffer so much, but the feeling is so strong that sometimes you feel that you will not be able to. Leaving behind all expectations, illusions and memories of that person you love so much is not an easy task. Moving away from that person can help you get over this stage, but above all, don’t fight what you feel. Forgetting someone you loved takes time.
- Living with it : this is the moment to accept and acknowledge the love you had for that person. Don’t deny that you loved her, but don’t cling to what cannot be done. It’s time to remake your life without this person. In time, the moment to turn the page will come, when you accept reality and move on.
What do we feel when we are not reciprocated
Unrequited love creates pain and suffering. All the romantic illusions you had with a person go down the drain and often this has consequences for yourself. Let’s see what we feel when we are not reciprocated:
- Sadness and disappointment : Love desires are very strong. When reality collides with illusion, the destruction of these desires can imply a strong feeling of sadness and disappointment in relation to the loved one.
- Affects self-esteem : loving rejection can result in self-rejection. On certain occasions, we can come to feel that it is our fault for not being enough for the other person to love us. It is important to understand that the most important person in your life is you and that loving yourself is above anyone’s opinion and judgment, even if you are in love with that person. Your opinion does not define who or how you are. See here how to improve self-esteem .
- Frustration and anger : they are born from the belief that the situation is unfair and that you do not deserve it. These feelings are part of the grieving process necessary to overcome a heartbreak. These are completely normal feelings and indicate that you are going the right way.
- Feeling lonely : the fact of not being able to be with who we want can generate anxiety and fear of loneliness. The melancholy of remembering the moments lived with that loved one can increase this feeling.
How to get over unrequited love
The hardest, and also the most important, moment when you experience unrequited love is learning to forget about it, get over it, and move on with your life. As they say, it’s easier said than done, but it’s not impossible. If you’re wondering how to get over unrequited love, below we’ll give you some tips on how to do it.
- Accept the situation : the suffering that unrequited love produces stems from the hope that the situation can change. It is essential to accept reality and not think about what you lost, but what you could have. For example, being with a person who truly loves you.
- Stop idealizing the person you love : falling in love with someone based on the perception we have of him/her is very common, but most of the time not very real. Realizing that, like everyone else, this person is not perfect and also has flaws. It may be that you fell in love with what this person represents, and not what they really are.
- Distance yourself from that person : it will be easier not to think about them if they are not part of your life. To get over unrequited love, it’s best to stay away from that person and focus on yourself. In these moments, taking care of yourself is the most important thing.
- Allow yourself to be sad : if the situation causes pain, denying it will only make it grow. Accept how you feel in each moment. Being sad is not bad, neither is expressing it. On the contrary, accepting how you feel is necessary to overcome grief, do not try to hide your emotions. It may not be right away, but over time, expressing what you feel will make you feel better about yourself.
- Focus your thoughts on the present : focus your thoughts on what you are doing in each moment. This will help your mind to constantly remind you of the situation you’ve experienced and the pain you’re carrying. Practicing mindfulness will help not to think about that person.
- Imagine a future without this person : focus on all the things you can do now that this person is no longer in your life. That not being with the person you love doesn’t mean you have to give up everything that makes you who you are. That because that person has not corresponded to you, does not mean that in the future all people will not correspond to you. So, don’t think that all is lost. Remember that the only person you need in your life is yourself.
- Invest in yourself : all that energy you invested in the other person can now be invested in yourself. Dedicate your time to doing things that please you, either alone or with others. Enjoying what you are passionate about will make you feel better about yourself.
- Surround yourself with people you trust : even if you feel like you don’t feel like doing anything, surround yourself with family and friends who care about you and will help you appreciate the amount of good things that exist in your life. Enjoying good company does not mean running away from your feelings, but understanding that life is worth living with someone who truly loves you.
- Dare to try new experiences : another tip for overcoming unrequited love is to do things you’ve never done with that person to take your mind off of them. New experiences will make you experience new emotions, which you no longer share with that person. They are yours alone.
- Don’t close yourself off from love : While it takes time to get over unrequited love, don’t shy away from spending time with people who are interested in you. This will help you regain confidence in yourself and still have a good time. However, don’t rush into starting another relationship, because you could do some damage to this new love. Trying to love someone without knowing if you’ve gotten over your unrequited love is doing what the person who didn’t love you back did to you.
- Go to a professional : in some cases, it is difficult to overcome unrequited love and the feelings it produces. When you feel that you need help to overcome it, do not hesitate to turn to a psychologist. A professional can guide you and help you overcome this painful process.