What is attachment?
Attachment means an affective bond or connection between an individual and an attachment figure (parents and/or caregivers). Ties may be reciprocal between two adult individuals, but between a child and a caregiver, they are based on needs for security and protection. In this article we will provide you the information about Secure and Insecure Attachment.
Security and protection are key factors in childhood and attachment theory proposes that children instinctively attach to those who care for them, in order to survive and develop both physically, socially and emotionally.
Within attachment theory there is a very important field which is positive parenting . It is given as the action of ‘taking care‘, in which both parents, or the father or mother, assume responsibilities and behaviors to optimize the growth and stimulate the child’s development.
Within this aspect, it is important to highlight that the integrity of the child must be respected, as he is a unique and independent being. The idea is to create a bond with the children in order to generate trust, security and a more pleasant relationship between the parties.
Secure attachment
Secure attachment is the best guarantee for children to have a healthy childhood and a serene adulthood. Depending on how we bond with our parents or caregivers, we will be able to establish better relationships in our adult stage. Psychologists often talk about secure attachment but we do not stop to explain its importance. If you’ve ever wondered what secure attachment is, why it’s important, and how you can facilitate secure attachment, this is the article for you. Next we will resolve key issues related to the affective bond.
Attachment is a type of bond that reflects the lasting affective bond that is established in space/time between the baby and the caregiver. Secure attachment is determined by the presence of a person in the child’s life who is capable of being sensitive and attentive to the child’s needs. In addition, the caregiver is empathetic and favors the experimentation of emotions.
Characteristics of Secure attachment
Secure or healthy attachment in children is characterized by:
- The child strives to maintain proximity to his caregiver.
- Seek physical and emotional contact repeatedly over time.
- He feels safer to explore when his attachment figure is close.
- When separated from his caregiver, the child experiences anxiety. Also, he makes efforts to attract her attention.
Why is it so important to foster a secure attachment?
Children who have been well treated during the first year and a half of life develop better self-esteem , confidence and autonomy throughout their lives. These children have better skills to manage their emotions and more self-confidence.
In addition, on a social level, these children have healthier relationships . Depending on the affective quality provided by their parents, they will have more chances of having a full and balanced life.
During the first months, an attempt is made to find out his mental state in certain situations such as when he is hungry, sleepy or bored. Some examples of attunement phrases are the following: “You are hungry right?” or “I feel like you’re having a good time.”
How many people can a child become attached to?
A baby has the ability to bond with 4-5 figures , but there always has to be one that prevails over the others in terms of availability, accessibility and time. This is because it is much easier for the human mind to organize itself with one mind than with four.
Attachment emerges between 6 and 18 months of life and exactly at 12 months is when it is most consolidated . At 18 months, children have already developed attachment strategies. It is then, when we speak of a critical period.
This does not mean that later they cannot generate a secure attachment, but it will be more difficult to consolidate. Therefore, what is recommended is that the caregiver spends as much time as possible with the baby for at least the first year and a half of life.
7 keys to foster a lasting secure attachment
We are going to decipher the 7 keys necessary to foster a secure attachment in children.
Define a secure attachment figure
Having a reference figure, to get to have a secure internal base will give you control over the world around you. This does not mean that the other parents or caregivers are left out of the baby’s care.
Emotionally tune in to the child
The adult must be able to understand the mental states of the baby, this implies trying to find out what is happening to him in the shortest possible time. In this way, it will be possible to respond to her need and the child will feel recognized and cared for.
Repeat attachment experiences
Although the quality of the interactions with the child is very important, the quantity will be decisive. The repetition of attachment experiences (spending time with the baby) will solidify the affective neural networks.
Accept the child as he is
Acceptance consists of differentiating the child from his behavior. For example, never say to your child: – “You are clumsy” on the contrary, it can be used: – “You have fallen but surely you will be more careful next time”.
Avoid overprotection
It is normal for certain dangers to cause emotions in parents such as: fear, anxiety or anger. However, it is important that the adult accepts her own emotions so as not to transmit them to the child. For example, instead of saying: – “Careful, you’re going to fall” We allow the child to explore their own limits and capabilities .
Put words to what the child feels, thinks or does .
It is not a matter of imposing the adult’s thinking but of recognizing him as an independent person. Let’s remember that children also have their own desires, emotions and intentions. In this way we will help you understand yourself so that you can regulate yourself.
For example:-” You look tired, do you want us to go home now”
Establish appropriate rules and limits from the time children are born.
It is important to establish consistent behaviors and responses. Advance and make predictable what is expected of him and what is or is not allowed. For example, if the child has a tantrum, you can attend to him in the same way each time.
What is insecure attachment
As we already mentioned in the introduction, the development of attachment is necessary for the baby to establish its first bonds.
Psychiatrist John Bowlby and psychologist Mary Ainsworth formulated attachment theory . To carry out the studies, they used an experimental situation that they called the “unknown situation”, in which the child was left in a strange environment and the parents were absent on several occasions. The children’s reactions to this situation were the object of study to formulate the theory, which makes distinctions between secure attachment and insecure attachment.
Secure attachment shows that there is an established relationship between parents and children in which the child already knows that their caregivers will be available when their presence is necessary to meet their needs unconditionally, since they love and value them positively.
Insecure attachment , on the other hand, demonstrates a type of attachment in which the child finds deficits in relation to care for him/her. In an unfamiliar situation, the child may react in an avoidant or ambivalent way.
Insecure attachment includes three types of attachment that we’ll look at below. It is important to emphasize that, according to López Sánchez, F. (2009) [1] , we are not dealing with psychopathologies, but with patterns of behavior in which there are difficulties and deficiencies in areas such as trust or emotional life.
Finally, there is debate about whether attachment styles remain stable throughout life or change over time. While it is true that there is no consensus, both assumptions have their advocates.
Types of insecure attachment
Insecure attachment can be divided into three types that will manifest in different degrees depending on the case. To conceptualize each one of them, we will follow the proposal of López Sánchez, F. (2009) [1] . We will see the characteristics and signs of each one so that you can know if she / your child has a secure or insecure attachment .
avoidant insecure attachment
In this type of attachment, the child is expected to separate, as far as possible, from his parents. This is a situation in which the child has learned not to rely on their reference figures , as they will not meet their needs, they will not be accessible and they will reject them emotionally, or they will not establish close relationships with them.
Among the characteristics that we can find in children with avoidant attachment are:
- Avoid emotional contact.
- They have difficulty expressing their emotions and understanding others.
- They behave as if they don’t care about others .
- They demonstrate difficulties in relationships.
- They don’t look for comfort or support in painful situations – in fact, they withdraw into themselves.
- They demonstrate and/or seek a certain autonomy.
Finally, in an unknown situation, these children will not complain about their parents leaving the room and will behave indifferently and/or avoidantly at the time of the reunion.
Ambivalent-resistant insecure attachment
Children with ambivalent attachment are needy children. This is a situation where parents:
- They may have behaved inconsistently with their children (they may be extremely demanding and extremely permissive at the same time).
- They may have practiced emotional blackmail towards their children.
- They can be unstable couples.
- It could be anxious people.
- They may express self-doubt or negative criticism to their children.
Among the characteristics of this attachment (in which the child may have doubts and fear of being abandoned) we find the following characteristics among children:
- They are not sure about the unconditional love of their reference figures.
- They need approval and constant displays of affection.
- They need demonstrations of the availability or accessibility of the reference figure.
- They continuously watch if the reference figure is close by and hardly ever leave it.
- After having separated from the reference figure and later found it again, they are afraid of a new separation .
They demonstrate separation difficulties during the unfamiliar situation. At the same time that they want to see the reference figure, they do not show much willingness to contact and affection, which is why we speak of the existence of an ambivalent style.
disorganized-disoriented insecure attachment
This last type of attachment was proposed by Main and Solomon in 1986. It is a type of attachment in which the child demonstrates anxiety and avoidance, which is why it becomes a mixture of the two previous types.
There are authors who question this last type of attachment due to the heterogeneity that the profiles classified here may present. However, there seem to be certain characteristics that define them, including:
- Tendency to manifest stereotyped behaviors.
- Shows unexpected changes.
- Inappropriate and contradictory behavior.
- Difficulty relating to others.
This type can be caused by situations of mistreatment or other equally serious situations, which is why the child avoids establishing closer relationships. As far as emotions are concerned, these children are not able to control them, which is why they are overwhelmed by their unpleasant emotions.
Consequences of insecure attachment
As we have already pointed out, insecure attachment styles do not imply the existence of psychopathology. However, symptoms associated with this behavior pattern may appear, such as high anxiety, irrational ideas or beliefs, etc., which will appear in the case evaluation process – it is emphasized that these symptoms should be treated with the appropriate techniques relaxation, cognitive restructuring, family therapy, etc.).
Insecure attachment can be a source of suffering and lead to emotional and social difficulties for the individual.
How to deal with insecure attachment
In his work “ A secure basis clinical applications of attachment theory” [2] , J. Bowlby provides a series of guidelines that the therapist should take into account in the process of individual therapy. Let’s look at how to deal with insecure attachment in children and in adults.
Bolwby indicates that the therapist should provide, in the context of attachment theory, the conditions for the patient to explore his image and that of his reference figures and be able to reevaluate and restructure them with the help of the experiences lived in the scope of the relationship therapy itself. The therapist‘s role is described in five main points:
- Provide a secure base for the patient.
- Help and guide the patient in the process of exploring their relationships.
- Use the therapeutic relationship as a basis for the process.
- Connect current behavior with previous experiences that may have given rise to it.
- Question the validity of your way of seeing yourself , others and relationships.
