The Communication Nonviolent (CNV) is a skill increasingly present in companies and proposes a new way to express wants and needs, always choosing a path of reconciliation and peaceful attitudes.
This article will address the concept of CNV, its emergence and the benefits that the technique brings to the work environment.
What is Non-Violent Communication
The strategy is broad, applied to verbal (written or spoken) and non-verbal (gestures, facial or bodily expressions, images or codes) communication .
In practice, non-violent communication occurs when the sender reformulates what he says and hears. That is, before responding unconsciously and immediately, he listens attentively and reflects on the meaning and desire expressed by someone. Nonviolent Communication
Thus, instead of responding untimely, the individual seeks to express himself clearly, empathize, and respectfully.
In this sense, exercising the CNV allows us to understand the world around us from the perspective of the other person . In this way, he can understand the reasons behind his actions.
The essence of Non-Violent words exchanged during the dialogue with other people.
But it is essential to emphasize that CNV defends that the objective of every form of human communication is to demonstrate universal needs.
As such, it represents a way of expressing oneself whose priorities are strengthening bonds and maintaining good relationships.
The origin of the theory
Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg coined the term “Non-Violent Communication” in the 1960s. The historical context was one of racial segregation in the United States and some schools were ready to change this scenario.
The consensus is that everyone should adopt a peaceful posture so that coexistence becomes possible . Furthermore, it was necessary to promote integration between whites and blacks.
The psychologist then bet on the ability to listen without prior judgment. As a result, their studies had positive results in mediating conflicts, especially between teachers, students, staff and the surrounding community.
The techniques developed by the American scholar have enabled individuals to find points in common with people. So they came to understand the needs, reactions and behavior on the other .
Another important name in the development of CNV is Carl Rogers, a psychologist who became Rosenberg’s intellectual mentor. Together, they strengthened the studies that resulted in the Non-Violent Communication theory.
Their dedication to mediating conflicts in American schools has become something concrete and can be taught to anyone. The technique gained repercussion and motivated the foundation of the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC).
The work developed by Rosenberg resulted in the book “ Non-Violent Communication: Techniques to Improve Personal and Professional Relationships ”, which consists of a practical and didactic manual published for the first time in 1999.
In Brazil, the CNV Institute promotes courses, free meetings, social projects and content to facilitate access to the practice of Non-Violent Communication.
Importance and benefits in the work environment
- promoting empathy;
- construction of more welcoming environments ;
- mediation and peaceful conflict resolution;
- openness to dialogue ;
- reduction of aggressions (verbal and physical);
- promote and maintain healthy relationships;
- strengthening a culture based on partnership and teamwork ;
- optimized management of teams.
The CNV is also applied in other areas, for example, to help with recovery treatments after trauma and addiction cases and/or to humanize the care provided by health professionals.
Thus, we were able to understand the possible reasons that permeate their attitudes. The practice of CNV also offers other benefits, such as:
- shows the impact of our actions on other people’s lives. An example is when someone feels they are being blamed or charged. So it reacts defensively;
- it helps when understanding emotions, as it makes us reflect on what bothers us, generating more peaceful reactions;
- in a company, CNV allows everyone – employees and leaders – to manifest themselves in a welcoming environment;
- Non-Violent Communication does not suppress debate or discussion, but makes it easier for the group to reach consensus.
How to implement CNV in 4 pillars
This framework was created by Marshall Rosenberg to improve the quality of relationships.
Check out how to implement these components to express yourself and hear clearly in front of the other.
1. Observation (knowing how to listen without judgment)
Rosenberg advises that the first action is to observe what is happening. At this stage, we must question whether the received message (actions or speeches) adds something positive. In this sense, observe without judgment and without value judgment . We must understand what pleases or displeases us in a given situation.
2. Feelings (inquire without making assessments)
The next step is to understand what feeling the situation arouses. Marshall suggests that feelings be named (fear, anger, happiness, hurt, among others). This pillar says that it is important to allow yourself to be vulnerable to resolve conflicts and thus understand the difference between what we feel and what we think or interpret. Nonviolent Communication
3. Needs (understanding rather than using strategies)
By understanding which feeling the situation aroused, it is time to recognize which needs are linked to it. For Rosenberg, when someone expresses their needs, the possibility that they will be met is much greater. Also, awareness of the above components must come from a clear and honest personal analysis.
4. Orders (argue instead of giving orders)
We must specifically request and based on concrete actions what we want from the other person. The researcher recommends using positive and affirmative language whenever we need to place a request . Therefore, it is important to avoid abstract, ambiguous or vague sentences.
We know that changing habits is not an easy task, but we shouldn’t give up. The practice of CNV must be constant and not working on the first attempt is common.
Examples of CNV
So far, we have seen the theoretical part of Non-Violent Communication. Now, know some possible examples that happen in everyday situations.
Remember to analyze each case using Rosenberg’s 4 pillars:
- watch what is happening, without judgment;
- try to identify and understand the feeling that befell you;
- identify the need that exists under that feeling;
- express your request clearly.
Example 1: conversation between a couple
“I noticed that the last few times I asked you not to leave clothes on the floor, you got angry and upset (note). Know that this makes me upset (feeling), because I feel tired of collecting (need). I appreciate it if you remember to put your pieces in the basket (order)”.
Example 2: dialogue between mother and young child
“My son, when you leave the toys all over the house (observation), I get very angry (feeling). Understand that the rooms need to be organized so that we can walk (need). I need you to keep your toys, so help Mom and avoid accidents (request)”.
Example 3: family conversation
“Talking about politics in this house makes you upset and angry (note). I’m afraid and sad about this (feeling), because we should talk about the topic presenting our points of view. Even if they are against (need), I would like to understand your position and it would be great if you would listen to me (request)”.
Example 4: dialog on the desktop
“Colleague, when you talk like that to me in the department (note), I feel irritated and belittled in front of others (feeling). I need to feel respected and know that I can count on my teammates for my development in the company (need). The next time you disagree with something, call me to talk privately (request)”.
Tips for exercising Non-Violent Communication
After knowing the pillars of CNV and different ways to use it in everyday situations, it is essential to know how to practice this technique.
We speak of “practice”, because empathic communication needs to be exercised daily in any type of relationship .
We selected 10 tips to exercise Non-Violent Communication. Apply each one gradually and notice changes in your way of relating to the world:
- Seek to communicate with everyone without prejudgments or definitions about “right” or “wrong”;
- Don’t measure each other’s attitudes by your ruler;
- Try never to compare yourself, nor compare the people you live with with other individuals;
- Eliminate any accusatory tone from your speech. This provokes defensive reactions and makes communication impossible;
- Explain your needs calmly and clearly;
- Ask yourself about possible labels placed on you and the people around you;
- If you face a conflict or need to mediate a conflicting situation, look for common ground between you and others. The solution can come from affinities;
- Put yourself in the other’s shoes whenever possible;
- Manifest your vulnerable points when you feel comfortable doing so. This will bring you closer to other people. After all, we all have sensitivities;
- Take it easy and exercise empathy at all times, especially before responding to an offense or attack. Do not reply in the same tone.