Sexual Fantasy

Sexual fantasy are sexually themed mental representations. They can be produced voluntarily or involuntarily by our mind and are quite common, although most people keep them for their privacy.

They usually appear at puberty and accompany the human being for the rest of his life. It has been proven that both men and women fantasize with the same frequency, but their fantasies are different and men tend to explain them with less modesty than women. Fantasies do not depend on age or sex .

Having fantasies is something completely natural and healthy from a psychological point of view, since they serve to disconnect the mind from everyday problems, it is an escape route that leads us to evasion. In addition, they have an aphrodisiac power that can increase sexual desire and arousal. In fact, it seems that having few or no fantasies could be an indicator of Hypoactive Sexual Desire or suffering from a stress disorder.

So is it bad to have Sexual Fantasy?

For these types of fantasies to be considered pathological, they should affect the individual’s life and be their only way of having sexual pleasure. In this case we would talk about paraphilias , in which the fantasy becomes an obsessive act, whose purpose is not sexual gratification but to carry out the situation generated by the person’s obsession.

Sexual fantasies help to improve one’s own pleasure , since they stimulate the libido, so it is healthy to have fantasies and we should not feel guilty for having them.

Types of Sexual Fantasy

Two types of fantasies can be defined, the so-called ” creative” ones that aim to enrich the sexual relationship and arouse desire, and the ” desired” ones , which refer to what you would like to happen. Almost all of them, both of one type and the other, report pleasant sensations, although sometimes there are people who may have fantasies that are disturbing to them, such as dreaming of a rape. If the fantasy is recurrent and causes discomfort to the person, it should be investigated. the origin since there could be some trauma or unconscious fear in the person.

Most common sexual fantasies

A survey by a leading dating site for married people in the UK reveals what are the 10 most common sexual fantasies. The survey was conducted on both men and women.

A surprising fact? 55% of those surveyed said they wanted to have sex with their ex. Is it true or did they just answer the first thing that came to their mind? Without further ado, find out about the other sexual fantasies that the participants answered; who knows, they might surprise you!

Having sex with the ex

As we said, this was the most commented response. Having sex with the ex again becomes the first of the sexual fantasies on the list.

Recreate a viewed scene

In second position, those surveyed answered that they fantasized about recreating a sexual scene seen on television. Up to 40% said so!

Having sex with a celebrity

Another of the most common sexual fantasies, according to the portal’s survey, would be to have sex with a celebrity, that is, with someone famous. Up to 38% of those surveyed affirmed it . Surely here is mixed the idealization that we have towards that person and, why not, the fact that he is “unattainable”. It seems that we like challenges.

Sex with current partner

It can also be a sexual fantasy, why not? Imagine having sex with your current partner. And it is that, up to 36% of those surveyed named this possibility. It seems that what we already know we also like. Surely memories that we already have with that person influence here, moments in which we have felt very excited or passionate, etc.

Sex with an unknown person

Another of the most common sexual fantasies is the one in which we imagine having sex with a true stranger. That is, with a stranger. The morbidity of the unknown influences a lot here. Neither more nor less than 29% of those surveyed selected this option.

Romance with a work buddy

In sixth position, 27% of those surveyed responded that one of their sexual fantasies was to imagine having an affair (or sex) with a co-worker. It’s a classic, the idealized love affairs of people at work… Who hasn’t experienced one?

sex with a friend

It is not necessary to go “so far” with strangers, nor so close with our current partner. The reality is that another sexual fantasy is to imagine having sex with a friend. Up to 25% of the respondents, a quarter of the participants, answered this option . There are people who have felt that secret love for their best friend for a long time, who knows if this will be influencing…

Threesome sex (or group sex)

Another of the sexual fantasies that the respondents chose was this: having threesome or group sex. The number of participants in the imaginary sexual act was not specified. 19% of those surveyed responded that one of their fantasies was this.

public sex

In ninth position we find the fantasies of having sex in a public place (or with the possibility of being seen by others). 14% of the participants chose this option. It seems that the risk (in this case, the risk of being discovered) has an intrinsic part of morbidity .

Have sex with a policeman

In last position, with 11% of “votes”, we find another of the most frequent sexual fantasies: imagining having sex with a police officer. This may have to do with the morbidity towards authority, towards limits, towards power or towards the uniform . Or all together, who knows!

Male sexual fantasies

• Make a threesome Perhaps the most frequently used male sexual fantasy. Many fantasize about having two women in bed at the same time, the ménage à trois always occupies the first places when it comes to fantasizing.
• Role plays . Pretending that your partner is someone else is also a classic of the male imagination. There is the classic nurse or horny girl, but the police also triumph, better if they are accompanied by a good set of handcuffs.
• voyeurism . Being an observer of your partner’s masturbation is also something that turns men on a lot, especially if the other person doesn’t notice. The contemplation of people naked or having sexual encounters can lead to the fantasy of having sex with another person while watching their partner or someone watching them while they make love.
• Sex in public , many men find the risk of being caught during sex exciting; in the bathrooms of a nightclub, on a beach with people.

Female sexual fantasies

• The submission . The woman wants to take orders or even experience pleasure through physical pain. In general, the women who like these types of games tend to be controllers in real life and they get turned on thinking that for once they are not the ones with the power.
• rape . Although it is a very thorny subject, this is a fantasy that occurs and at the same time is very unreliable. It has a lot to do with the fantasy of submission. You have to take into account this fantasy is far from it and it has absolutely nothing to do with a desire to be attacked, it is simply exciting for women to think that she is capable of driving a man crazy to the point of making him lose control.
• Lesbian fantasies (heterosexual women). It is one of the most common fantasies and it does not mean being bisexual, it is simply because of the curiosity it arouses.
• Sex with strangers or celebrities . Fantasy is having a fleeting, unexpected and non-binding encounter with the other person.
• Being a dominatrix In this case, the woman is aroused by the thought that she has control over the man, inflicting humiliation on him and being the only recipient of pleasure.
• The exhibitionist . It is wanting to be seen while having sex, either by strangers in situ or being recorded.
• The voyeurist . Observing from a hidden place how others have relationships is also a very recurring fantasy, as is imagining participating in sexual acts while other people watch.

More polls

Another survey, this time conducted by researchers from the Department of Psychology at the University of Quebec, Canada, revealed other sexual fantasies. Some of them coincide with those already mentioned. In the case of women, these were the results (in order of highest to lowest preference):

• Have sex in a romantic place.
• Having sex in unknown, strange or unusual places.
• Receiving oral sex.
• Being masturbated by the partner.
• Having sex with someone other than the couple.
• Play the part/role of the submissive .
• Having sex in a public place.
• Being part of a threesome or an orgy.

What happened to the men? Their most common sexual fantasies, according to the survey, were the following:

• Oral sex.
• Having sexual relations with more than one woman at the same time.
• Having sex with someone who is not your partner.
• The unexpected sex.
• See two women have sex.
• That the couple accept that they ejaculate on her.
• Have sex in a romantic place.
• Being masturbated by your partner.
• Being part of an orgy with more than three women.

As we can see, we are not so different between men and women when it comes to sexuality, arousal and imagination. Here we have seen what are the most common sexual fantasies of both, and how some of them are repeated in each survey.

“Sex is an area full of possibilities, and the more freedom we feel in this area, the greater our imagination will be when it comes to getting excited and enjoying ourselves (and making the other person enjoy)”.

Sexual Fantasy and psychological conflicts

Despite the fact that in recent years sexuality has been stripped of its taboos, sexual fantasies still continue to generate shame, so much so that many prefer to hide them .

In fact, sexual fantasies can be a source of discomfort for those who bring them up . According to experts, this usually occurs when what we want sexually conflicts with our learned morality.

In these cases, it is convenient to carefully analyze the cause of said discomfort. One way to do this is by reviewing our moral code . However, there will be cases in which it is necessary and beneficial to go to a specialist to help us analyze this oppression.

Likewise, it is pertinent to mention that sexual fantasies can become pathological if they affect the individual’s life or if they are the only way to reach orgasm . In these cases, it is also essential to see a professional. Keep in mind that the goal is to be able to enjoy sexual freedom without harming others or ourselves.